How many times can you lose your way before it's just too embarassing to try again? I'll let you know when I find out, because I'm not giving up yet!
Yes, it's embarassing.
Yes, I wish I could be like some folks who just know who they are and go straight forward like an arrow. I know a few of them, and I so admire them for their sense of purpose and rightness.
I know who I am, and I know my purpose, but I'm a little iffy on the how of it all.
I definitely can't BE it all, and I think I accept that. (Mostly. Ha!) But it would be nice to not have to admit to people, time and time again, that I've lost my way, but I'm back.
It would be better for my career, too.
At the start of this year, I decided that I wouldn't do anymore life coaching or story development coaching because I needed this year to be all about writing and publishing. So I forwarded this site to my Ali Archer site and thought, "that was that"!
Oh, Activator*. I love you. You help me get stuff done and I'm so grateful for that ability. But girl, when will you learn to take a breather before you have a knee-jerk reaction to something and make your life more difficult?
Because once conference season started back up, and once I got another speaking request, I realized the error of my ways. I still needed to have an Ali Cross presence on the web.
If you have any advice--especially if you've been through this and figured a way to tame your Activator/take action tendences--I'd love to hear it. Otherwise, my advice is to take your time before making decisions, particularly money decisions. Sleep on it. Give yourself a deadline. Whatever works to help give your mind some space to think about what you've got going on and all the implications and consequences of your decisions.
Reinstating the site and resuming blogging isn't a big deal for me. Taking things down was a "cheap" mistake for me. But I want to learn this lesson--and learn it well--before I knee-jerk my way through something far more important!
And as for how many times you can take a detour and get back onto the path? I hear the words of Jesus in my head: "I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." Of course he was talking about how many times we should forgive someone, but I think the same principle applies, because if we have need of forgiving others, how much greater is our need to forgive ourselves?
*Activator is a Strength in the #CliftonStrengths paradigm. It's my #6 Strength but has a lot of influence over the Top 5. Activator is a quick-decision, quick-action skill that relies on intuition and "gut feelings."